Insightful Quotes

2011-12-17T23:19:00.000-08:00

Christian: The son becomes the father, the father (becomes) the son.
Bondage: Ah, the bible!
Christian: Superman.

2011-11-07T12:33:00.000-08:00

Party Host: You have two choices. You can either quiet down or get the fuck out of here.
Bond: I'm getting the fuck out of here.

2011-11-06T22:19:00.000-08:00

I could learn to be a dentist in like a month. (Bond)

Resurrection!

2011-10-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

Heroes Will Die. Worlds Will Be Born.

2011-02-19T22:09:00.000-08:00

Matt: "You never start being a woman. You go straight from being a chick to being a cougar."

2010-12-01T23:09:00.000-08:00

(Lorene, the Ceramics professor, decided to give out shiny star stickers after we cleaned the studio. Her husband was in her office.)

Lorene (walking to her office): "I'm going to stick one on his butt, and he won't even notice!" (a few seconds pass, then she returns) "The moment I touched him, he said, 'Take that off, you idiot!'"

2010-04-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

"A boyfriend is just like a goalie. You can still score!"
(Paedae)

2010-03-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

"A Spectacle Raptor? It looks a lot like you, but with a gun."

(Emily, to me)

2010-03-01T08:16:00.002-08:00

"Actually that would be really good, pussy and vanilla ice cream...
No wait, pussy and peach ice cream!"
(Paedae)

2010-03-01T08:16:00.001-08:00

"Every juice that comes out of a vegetarian is delicious."
(Paedae)

2010-02-25T19:48:00.002-08:00

Paedae: "When we're done, you guys are going to be sexual tyrannosauruses and human diamonds."
Matt: "Are you sure you don't mean sexual diamonds and human tyrannosauruses?"
Paedae: "YES, I'M SURE."

2010-02-25T19:48:00.001-08:00

"Did you see that girl in there? I bet she has perfect nipples."
(Paedae)

2010-02-25T19:47:00.000-08:00

Nathan: "So, which muscles are the obliques exactly?"
Paedae: "It's the 'V' that points to your dick!"

2010-02-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

"I know Erin causes derangement in my genes!"

(Matt, during a conversation about cancer causes--instead of "genes," we heard "jeans")

2010-02-13T14:30:00.001-08:00

"You don't masturbate much. Do you just have lots and lots of sex?"

(Random person in school dining facility)

2008-12-10T00:42:00.000-08:00

"You rhymed your name with teriyaki. How is that not amazing?"
(James)

2008-10-20T23:11:00.000-07:00

"That's not sweat. It's liquid love. ...Oh God, that's horrible. Please don't put this on the quote's blog."
(Russell)

2008-10-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

Emily: "Mother of Jesus!"
Erin (from inside the bathroom): "You called?"

2008-09-16T22:28:00.000-07:00

Guy 1: Women can't make art.
Guy 2: Hey! Dinner is art!

2008-09-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

"did u just call blonds stupid?? that is just so racist..."
(idonnwanna of Youtube)

2008-09-04T18:07:00.000-07:00

Woman: "Yes, people can be so shallow."
Man: "Like you?"
Woman: "Exactly like me!"
(VCPR, Grand Theft Auto Vice City)

2008-08-07T09:50:00.000-07:00

"If you're ever sad, you just need to stop being sad and start being awesome. It works for me."
(Raminator, BMS Forums)

2008-07-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

(on facebook chat)
Emily: Last night I was having way too much fun with your mom
Emily: jokes

2008-06-29T21:40:00.000-07:00

The can tried to cut me so I had to stare it into submission to make it stop
(Josh)

2008-05-20T16:21:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit under the... tired (James)

2008-04-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

*After playing a game of DotA with the worst Tiny ever*
scrumph: That guy doesn't know how to tank as Tiny!
Hiro_Shasta: I know...he should uninstall his soul

2008-04-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

*After hitting a pedestrian in the crosswalk and driving away without any major injury or incident*

She better not have scratched my car(Hank)

2008-04-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

Mr. Auste: Can anyone tell me why there are more absentees in the first 2 classes then the second 2?
Sebastian: I know! cause the first 2 classes suck!

2008-04-21T18:18:00.001-07:00

"Old dead people should have spoken in English. They didn't know better."
(Clark's opinion on Latin)

2008-04-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

Don't mess with me right now...I have sick strength. It's like fucking retard strength on crack! (Josh)

Revival of this wonderful place we call the quotes blog

2008-04-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

Oprah and Montel should get together and make some super talkshow babies (Josh)

2008-01-01T21:13:00.000-08:00

"roses are #FF0000
violets are #0000FF
all my base
are belong to you"
(From Owen's facebook "About Me")

2007-12-21T02:47:00.001-08:00

"They probably make the mistake of assuming you're not masturbating all the time."

~Mark

2007-12-20T23:53:00.000-08:00

"Friends can be friends and lovers be lovers but buddies do funny things under the covers."
(Zach)

2007-12-02T19:29:00.000-08:00

“People seriously have cats in Japan?! That’s so cool!”
(Lindsay)

2007-11-21T20:55:00.000-08:00

"Sunday, November 18, 2007, 6:48 p.m.
Seattle Airport Departure Lounge Burger King

'Medium,' 'Large' and 'King Size'? What the fuck is that? How the fuck can 'Medium' be the smallest? Do you even know what the word 'Medium' means? This is why you're all so fat, you bunch of road sign-shooting Yankee pillocks."
(Yahtzee, Zero Punctuation Reviews)

Radical Post of Sudden Serious Business

2007-10-25T16:33:00.000-07:00

"Those who would give up any amount of liberty to gain security deserve neither and will lose both."

~Benjamin Franklin, 1755 (paraphrased)

2007-09-10T05:15:00.000-07:00

"I swear to drunk I'm not God."
"Rehab is for quitters."
"Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken."
"Conserve water. Shower with a friend."
"There's too much blood in my alcohol system."
"Avoid hangovers. Stay drunk."
"Save trees. Wipe your butt with an owl."
"Save trees. Eat a beaver."
(Written in chalk along my campus' main walkway)

2007-07-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

"Hey, person-I-don't-know-who-looks-like-someone-I-should-trust: could you watch my bag for a few minutes? Thanks."
(What some guy asked me--dressed as Link--before he left to go to the restroom; Comic-con, on Saturday, July 28, 2007)

2007-07-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

(May 18, 2007)
Ryan: "Oh, man! A baby came out of the oven!"
Kendra: "What?!"
Ryan: "Don't worry about it."

(Ryan was playing Pokémon.)

2007-07-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

"Well as we started making out, she unzipped my pants, put her hand on my dick and as soon as she touched it I immediatly came and started farting."

~ http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic.php?id=726361

2007-07-05T20:35:00.000-07:00

"Ha ha, you will not escape me! ...Wait, where did you go?"
(Mark talking to Nathan while playing Riccochet)

2007-06-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

Stephanie: "Did you just bite my boob?"
Brent: "I don't know, did I?"

2007-05-21T23:59:00.001-07:00

The Book of Ojo 13:6
"And yea, God said unto His followers, 'Let there be a creature with which I shall weigheth down mine papers,' and indeed there was Ojo."
(Truth)

2007-05-20T00:33:00.000-07:00

"I'm gonna go rape her. Brb."
(Phil B)

2007-05-18T06:52:00.001-07:00

"The media constantly exploits and demeans women for their sexuality. I prefer that we try to find a way to harness their sexuality for industrial purposes. Possibly some sort of camel toe or under boob based electricity."
(Supposed statement by Jerry Falwell, found on SomethingAwful)

2007-05-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

Girl: "My eyes are up here."
Rayne: "But your breasts are down there."
(Least I Could Do)

2007-04-25T20:19:00.001-07:00

"we should tell the japaneese we found a planet full of giant tentacle monsters and their females are somehow little school girls
we'll be going faster than the speed of light in a week"
(The Internet)

2007-04-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

"My day was wonderful. I didn't pass any kidney stones or anything."
(Mark, said in front of James who passed a kidney stone that morning.)

2007-04-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

"Give me your house keys. I won't sneak into your room at night and pet you like a cat." (Russell)

2007-04-07T21:39:00.000-07:00

Kathleen: Jen's being gay.
Kendra: Oh...you gonna go for it?

2007-03-22T20:51:00.000-07:00

*After eating fried rice and grape soda, then contracting stomach pains cause of it*
Keith: Aww! No wonder people are so against inter-racial marriges!

2007-03-17T01:10:00.000-07:00

"We'll name him Tom...and Tomahawk for short!"
(Soupy's mom)

2007-03-17T01:05:00.000-07:00

"Change my name to something like... Ragnarök."
(James narrating for Bobo)

2007-03-17T00:43:00.000-07:00

Nathan: "James, that's why being 'chaotic' is good, it allows you to go with the flow."
James: "I am going with the flow, I'm just wondering who built the canal!"

2007-03-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

Ryan: "Nathan, what defines pie?"
Nathan: "Pi is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter."
Ryan: "I meant the food..."

2007-03-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

Mom: "A trapezoid is one of those things that looks like a drunken square, right?"
Kate: "More like a drunken rectangle."
Mom: "Okay, I know what a trapezoid is."

2007-03-01T23:58:00.000-08:00

"If you don't like what we tell you to believe in, we'll kill ya'."
(George W. Bush)

2007-03-01T18:27:00.000-08:00

4. A new medium arose as well: advertising, which used persuasion, ploy, seduction, and sex appeal to sell merchandise.
i. In 1925, Bruce Barton’s bestseller The Man Nobody Knows claimed that Jesus Christ was the perfect salesman and that all advertisers should study his techniques.
(Course-Notes.org)

2007-02-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

"KPBS touches so many people in so many ways."
(Spokesperson)

2007-02-26T18:29:00.000-08:00

"Surprise, you're challenged!" (Nathan)

2007-02-21T21:13:00.000-08:00

"Youtube: Where pedophiles go shopping." (Ms. Fish)

2007-02-20T07:08:00.000-08:00

"[Shit] is a native English word, but following the Norman Conquest, Norman, Anglo-Norman, French, and Latin terms for many common objects and bodily functions began to be seen as more distinguished than native words, and thereafter feces became the accepted English noun, to defecate became the accepted English verb, and shit was no longer used in polite company." (Wikipedia)

2007-02-19T02:41:00.000-08:00

Collin: "Mark's accent might be found offensive, luckily none of us are liberals."
Mark (In an Indian accent): "I am a liberal. Let's eat a baby."

2007-02-17T22:47:00.000-08:00

"This quark tastes vaguely like cheese." (Kate)

2007-02-16T17:55:00.000-08:00

"I have decided Phil's nickname is Trojan Man, because he is slimy and filled with cum."
(Collin)

2007-02-16T16:49:00.000-08:00

"If I have a name for my calculator, it's either Bastard or Stupid Bastard, depending out how well it's functioning." (Josh)

2007-02-15T06:55:00.000-08:00

Fashykekes: Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

2007-02-15T05:56:00.000-08:00

Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude

2007-02-12T19:25:00.000-08:00

"Did they just say [Barak] Obama was a Mormon? I thought they said he was a moron-- err... Mormon."
(Nathan's Mom)

2007-02-11T10:39:00.000-08:00

James: That's it. Out-of-game planning stops now. I'm going with the next thing I hear.
Ryan: I'm a butch woman.

2007-02-11T00:48:00.000-08:00

"I want a uterus."
(Ryan)

2007-02-08T21:58:00.000-08:00

Mom: "A black, a mexican, and an italian are in a car. Who's driving?"
Kate: "The policeman."
Mom: "Oh, so it's automatically a policeman?"
Kate: "Yes."
Mom: "Why is that?"
Kate: "Because women belong in the home."

2007-02-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

Mr. Lemei: "There are many types of tubes in the world. Piccolos, flutes, tubas..."
Kate (thinking to herself): "...The internet..."

2007-02-05T17:40:00.000-08:00

"Excuse my shyness, I'm not exactly dressed."
(XKCD)

2007-01-31T12:18:00.000-08:00

(An accused heretic flies away in a hot air balloon)
Pucci: "Witchcraft!"
Other man: "Actually, your reverence, I believe it's because hot air rises, overcoming the gravitational force of..."
Pucci: (stares)
Other man: "...Witchcraft."

(From Casanova)

2007-01-29T20:16:00.000-08:00

Mom: "You would've liked my Asian math tutor from college. He was one of those rare tall Asians."
Kate: "Probably still had a little wee though."
Mom: "We didn't have those kinds of games back then."

2007-01-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

"Phil, there's something strange about how you constantly talk about male anatomy and how you're putting everything in your mouth."
(James)

2007-01-26T23:46:00.000-08:00

Kate: "I'm a n00bfragger."
Mom: "That sounds dirty."
Kate: "..."
Mom: "..."
Kate: "Well, in a way, it is." (explains FPS body humping)

2007-01-20T15:15:00.000-08:00

Mark: ioja;lfkjdsjlkjaefm,ds No more D&D metaphors. >.<
Kate: Roll a diplomacy check, and maybe we'll stop. :D
Mark: DIE

2007-01-17T20:28:00.000-08:00

[20:26] Travis: i could use a turtoril but i cant understand \this langue

2007-01-15T12:28:00.000-08:00

"I declare James my dodge. I can no longer be subject to DM plot devices."
(Kendra)

2007-01-13T11:39:00.000-08:00

"See, there is a reason why girls get cold and guys don't necessarily. When a girl gets cold, she complains about it, and then the guy begins to cuddle her. Thus, they have sex later. It's an evolutionary advantage." (Kate)

2007-01-11T20:39:00.000-08:00

"See, during a conversation, my mind works on three tracks. One part is following the actual conversation. The second is coming up with all sorts of sexual innuendos to be used if needed. The third is thinking of one-liners or insults I can throw in there if necessary."
(Tim Flynn)

2007-01-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

(Dad points to an image of the Triforce that is Meredith's user account icon)
"Is that some sort of Satanic symbol?"

2007-01-06T20:40:00.000-08:00

(Karina's in the freezer while Kendra's at the door)
Karina: Come in! Join the party!
Kendra: No way! It's cold where I'm standing!
Karina: No really! After the first five minutes, you go numb with hypothermia and can't feel a thing!
Kendra: That's total crap and you know it!

2007-01-04T21:11:00.000-08:00

Kate: "Nathan, you're a butthole."
Nathan: "Well, I'll admit that I have one..."
Mark (Whiny girl tone): "Eww, guys, Nathan has a butthole!"

2006-12-28T22:05:00.000-08:00

Man 1: "Are you coming to dinner?"
Man 2: "Yeah, but first I'm going to go comatose for a few hours, hallucinate vividly, and then maybe suffer amnesia about the whole experience."
Man 1: "Okay, cool."
(XKCD, on dreaming)

2006-12-28T19:32:00.000-08:00

"Think of the whole experience as a cross between Charlie's Angels, Saturday morning anime, and Mama Mia!-esque musical theater."
(GameSpot's Review of "Elite Beat Agents")

2006-12-27T14:15:00.000-08:00

Dr. McNinja: "In exactly twenty minutes I'm going to start my assault."
Dan McNinja: "Boy, you try to boss me and in exactly twenty minutes your digestive system will be thinking 'Hey? How did that boot get there? I did not eat a boot.'"
(Dr. McNinja)

2006-12-26T15:55:00.000-08:00

"I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was 7 years old when my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard, but I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth, and the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels they'd ever seen." (Dr. Cox, Scrubs)

2006-12-23T13:13:00.000-08:00

(During a U2 concert in Ireland)
Bono: (Rhythmically clapping his hands) "Every time I clap my hands, a child dies in Africa."
Guy in audience: "Well fuckin' stop it then!"

2006-12-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

"Its like Risk had sex with Nationstates"
(Sean)
(We're in Universe 26; if anyone here joins then join there)

2006-12-19T00:05:00.000-08:00

"It's only a genital handshake."
(Kathleen)

2006-12-17T00:14:00.000-08:00

"Let's all stand in the middle of the street and make street angels!"
(Russell)

2006-12-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

"Well, you put the baking soda in her vagina and she explodes. No problems there."
(Other Phillip)

2006-12-15T22:45:00.000-08:00

"The Canterburrito Tales!"
(Philip)

2006-12-12T21:59:00.000-08:00

"When designing an interface, imagine that your software is all that stands between the user and hot, sweaty, tangled-bedsheets-fingertips-digging-into-the-back sex."
(XKCD)

2006-12-12T18:50:00.000-08:00

Game Store Owner: "Well, in my experience, as far as women are concerned, everything is the guy's fault. So the quickest solution would be to just take full blame for the argument and beg for forgiveness."
Ethan: "Really, Dr. Phil. And how is your girlfriend these days?"
Owner: "Well, at the moment I'm not actually dating--"
Ethan: "You don't say. Could that be because you have no testicles?"
(Ctrl-Alt-Del)

2006-12-03T16:40:00.000-08:00

Since it's the holiday season, here's a gem from several years ago that I haven't posted here yet:
Mom: "I know what you want for Christmas...a Nintendo Playstation!"